the next dennis leary (or gilbert gotfried)

Ok I want to talk about America. My room mate and occasional soul mate is an American in Israel (I'm sure most of you read his blog, since otherwise you wouldn't be reading this blog). As such he has a tendency to yearn for American items or American women (they swallow, according to him. On the other hand they also believe Jesus is the savior so it evens out). Being an American it is hard for me to refer to him as soul mate seeing how he's an idiot. And that's the whole truth in a nutshell- Americans are pretty dumb. Funny, but dumb. Of course we are smarter since we can drive a tank and wear ribbons of different colors to express our opinions.orange- you're a crazy fascist, blue -you're ravishly gay and red- you are polite on the road. yeah. no one wears the red one. ususally people that try to hand them out also wear blue and we know what they are. But I am not trying to look down on Americans. God knows I wish to be in the states and have as much twinkies as I can eat at one munchie. The only reason I am feeling obliged to put Americans down is due to their numerous columns about Israel and Israelis. True that those columns are usually in websites which only dorks read, but seeing how all those dorks are Americans the vicious circle continues and he's about the devour all the Krembo (the Israeli ding dong or trip top or munushy or what ever dumb name there is for a cookie with whipped cream covered with chocolate. You see- cream=krem inside it= bo. all together=Krembo. Hebrew food is logical. Yet I doubt that the dogs of the devil are soft, filled with cream and covered with chocolate).

First of all- America. Where do you come from? "America. I'm an American". Yeah? Are you from Panama? Cause that's America too. And Canada? They're even bigger than you are! Sure they're as funny as the stick you have left after finishing your Popsicle but at least they're not pretentious.
Second- in case anyone's wondering here's how you can spot Americans. Ask them to call you later. when they call, If they say :"Hi it's Ami Riller". You know it's an American. Why do I need your last name? Do we need to be formal when you just want to know how much I am selling my Subaru for? (A Japanese car. In case you're Americans there are other cars in the world besides cars that could fit a hearse in them. yes being an Israeli i still believe all Americans drive Caddilacs, money rolls on the ground and people won't even move you to the side if you die on the sidewalk. at most they'll poke you with a stick. with a Nike logo). another way- they wear caps. I don't know why. You're inside the house. It's not even warm. Your hair…well it has the shape of a dying turtle, but that's only because of the stupid cap. my only guess is that it's meant to cover your brain from heating up so that next time if someone ask you where you're from you won't say: I live above Mexico. I am an under Canadian.

And finally- the food. My roommate (yes he has a frickin' blog. He likes saying fuck a lot. Sometimes in the most erroneous of places- "man I just saw your grandma. She's a fuckin' grandma!" although true, somewhat in appropriate. And sometimes he just uses fuck instead of words- "I am so hungry I could fuckin'!" but he does make a mean Matzo ball so all is forgiven.)wrore about the chemicals of the beloved Israeli drink- Petel. A colory drink. We all get hooked on it since kindergarden. I once sucked a weewee for Petel but that's irrelevant (best Petel I ever had). As a response I thought of writing about American food. But I just couldn't come up with anything which would be completely appropriate so here's something instead :
Poptarts, Luckycharms, Devildogs, Twinkies, Caramellos, ElFudge, Doritos- tangy and all others, cool aid, Twizzlers and more chips. It's all crap. Delicious, delicious McCrap. It's like there was a war and chemicals had to find a place to meet, so they resided in a 7-11.inside the food. The slogan for all American food should be-"You can taste the lack of quality" (but you'll gulp it down. You Cap wearing morons).
I'm just happy the north won. At least eating Aunt Jamima isn't racist. And if the negros say it is, learn from us. Run them over with a tank.